Anyways I digress...
I decided that at the end of my guilt ridden sick day that I was going to bite the bullet and have a bath. I've only used our bathtub like, twice, since we bought this house two years ago, so I'm well overdue. Besides a bath is a bit of a novelty since for the better part of a year my ankle wasn't stable enough for me to even consider it without worrying I was going to KILL myself getting in or out. I had asked my darling husband to give it a clean a few days ago just so I could use it so why not?
So, I do everything right, I line up my towels next to the bathtub, I rinse the tub out with water from my kettle (I'm paranoid about dust and dirt floating in my bathwater, can't stand the thought!) I grab my phone and put on a 1 hour youtube video of "music for relaxation and healing" and grab my second to newest copy of Frankie Magazine (I'm running behind!). I filled the tub with near to cold water given that it's summer, swirled in a generous dose of radox (with my inner child screaming BUBBLES!!!! My bubbless......) and lowered myself gently into the tub.
And then it started.......
The thoughts. Oh God the thoughts. Coming at me thick and fast like a freight train running late.....
Thoughts like "how selfish are you to have a bath when we're on water restrictions.."
"You know there are children in Africa who don't have clean DRINKING water..."
And then...
"Hmmm perhaps I can make it worth my while and shave while I'm in here...dammit didn't bring a razor. I wonder if there's a razor in the bath vanity...I could reach those drawers..... I could wash my hair but I dont think I'd fit my head under the tap - and I hate feeling like I still have soap in my hair....besides, in Japan they dont even bath for cleanliness, they take a shower first and just have a bath to relax - which of course is what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing - RELAX DAMMIT"
And then...
"Gee I hope the dog doesn't crap on my carpet while I'm in here"
"Is this something I'm supposed to be doing on a sick day really?"
"Hmmm this article is about home made peanut butter....maybe I should have peanut butter on toast for dinner.....perhaps its time to re-read all my Jane Austen novels - no wait, I have other books to read first.."
"How long do I stay in here to make it worth it?"
"Wow that music is loud, what if I am getting robbed as we speak and I can't hear it...oh wait no all the doors are locked, we should be good"
You get the picture!
At the moment I'm reading this book called "The Happiness Trap" which spouts a lot of talk about mindfulness. And then there's another book I'm reading called "If not Dieting then what" by Rick Kausman that also talks about mindfulness. Mindfulness is evverrryywherrreee - it's the new buzzword in all types of therapy, much like psychotherapy and freud were, then CBT, systems theory and so on. Mindfulness has been around for quite a while but lately its really taken off, yet it's SO HARD to accomplish on a regular basis. If I had a New Years resolution (which I don't because I think they're stupid" I would say it would have to be living a more "in the moment" life - a life lived in the present, not thinking about the future or toiling over the past but living in the right now. Problem is, my brain keeps reading forward or stretching back so while I sat in my cool soapy bubbly nirvana of womanly bliss, Frankie Magazine perched on my chest and hippie music blaring from the vanity, I was thinking about water restrictions and dog crap.
One day I aspire to find a way to switch my brain clear off. Just be here, present, in the now. For now I'll just secretly hate all those people out there to have found this elusive state of mind and are walking around with stupid grins plastered all over their peachy faces and spouting euphemisms about "being present" - meanwhile I'll be wondering whether I took that chicken out of the freezer for dinner or not. Oh wait, that reminds me.....
Til next time!
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