And so ends week two of my secondment to Housing NSW and I have to admit, a little bit of the shine has worn off. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be learning something new every single day, it's just a bit frustrating feeling so useless every day because you're kind of half there and half not. I have also found myself really missing being in a familiar environment with familiar people and familiar processes and I'm not sure why I feel that way - I definitely couldn't have predicted that! I keep oscillating between missing my old role, and then remembering WHY I took the secondment and WHY I needed the change and all the bad stuff that was happening to me. I have absolutely no doubt that had I not made a change I'd be in a pretty bad way by now - I was absolutely EXHAUSTED - I had nothing left to give, and I've found that making a change has re-energised me.
So, the question remains - where to from here. I am half way through the four weeks that has been approved, with no guarantee of a continuation at this point, so potentially I could be back in the csc in a fortnight from now. I've been told that there is a senior client services officer position coming up, and also potential for perhaps project roles etc. Career wise, a move to housing would be a good one for me - I think there's a LOT of potential there for progression in the housing organisation, probably more than in Community Services at this point. There's definitely pros and cons to both, and I am hedging at the moment, not really able to make the call. I think if a senior client services position came up I'd have to take it. There is definitely big differences between Community Services and housing in terms of the focus - Housing is very much a business, and at the end of the day there's a definite bottom line to be reached and financial targets, goals etc. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I've never been great with 'business" in the money sense - my business has always been people, not money. There's definitely a lot of work to do in terms of office structure, and a HUGE divide between the three main areas in the office. I'm not sure how anyone can cross those chasms, but I'd love to have a crack at trying to change the culture and make it a really harmonious, open place to work in.
Community Services has its flaws too the primary one being the way the work can at times trigger me. Working with families where child abuse is present is hard for me, and some days its all I can do to keep from screaming. I know it's taken a toll on my mental health, and probably my physical health, and in the long term I have to take that seriously. Is it sustainable for me to believe that I can keep it up long term, and not eventually come to the end of a very long rope? Probably not. I have to start planning for my future in the long term, and I'm looking into the possibility of studying and going into a more therapeutic job rather than being in a statutory body. It's something I reckon I can work towards and definitely fits in with plans for kids etc. I cannot imagine being in any other industry but a people helping one, its just a matter of what environment I want to end up in. 
In the meantime, the secondment continues and next week is set to be my most challenging yet because it looks like I'll be "babysitting" someone else's portfolio for the week - and over in one of the most challenging parts of town. It's going to be interesting to say the least!!! I'm a little nervous, I don't want to stuff anything up, but I also want to rise to the challenge and exceed expectations - because I ALWAYS want to exceed expectations. It's part of who I am, and it's how I learnt to get recognition and affection - by giving above and beyond and working double as hard to try and blow people away. It's great for my career prospects moving forward, though I do tend to put a lot of pressure on my self as a result. Next week, I plan on really getting stuck into the work, hopefully doing some more practical things and being out in the field even more. It's gonna be bloody hot!!! LOL But it will be good honest work :) I just want to soak up the whole experience while I am there, for however long I am there, and when the time comes to make decisions I trust that God will lead me where he wants me. Someone once told me that if both options look equal, leave it up to God and see what happens! If there's no clearly defined path, either through the bible or through circumstances, then at some point you have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you, and that when the moment comes you will be lead one way or another. That is my prayer for this whole thing - that eventually I'll be lead one way or another and as a result find the right place for me.
Until next time!
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