It goes by a few different phrases, but the message is the same.
"Suck it up Princess"
"Take a teaspoon of cement and harden up"
"Build a bridge and get over it"
Ever been told that? I have. Recently in fact. Very recently. And let me tell you, not only does it NOT help, it's actually really hurtful. Let me tell you why.
Perception is reality. Unfortunately this is just the way it is. What is happening both internally and externally for someone is what is happening. YOUR perspective, while it may be valuable to you, means nothing to them in that moment because their perception is THEIR reality. I someone is sitting across from you in tears, even if its over something that you think is trivial and not worth getting upset over, for them it IS worth getting upset over. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be upset. In that moment, that person is in distress. What they need, more than anything, is validation and compassion.
Compassion is a really interesting word. I started looking up bible verses on compassion and I noticed something - often times, when Jesus is faced with people either individually or in a crowd, the bible uses the same phrase - "and he had compassion on them". Jesus didn't tell them to "suck it up" and heaven knows he could have. After all, Jesus could see where humanity was headed, Jesus could see into the corruption of people's hearts - if there was ANYONE who could have told them to "suck it up" and been qualified to do so, it was Him!! Jesus did get exasperated at times with people as a whole, He did grow tired of the constant pressure upon him to help others, but He never once told people to "suck it up" or "get over it" because Jesus had compassion for what was happening for that person in that moment.
What is it about telling people to "suck it up" that is so appealing??? Why do we feel we need to adopt an air of superiority and kick someone when they're down?? When did we lose our ability to empathise with others? To an extent, in the work I do at the moment, I can understand that empathy does wane at times - if we empathised with every single person we come in contact with in my job we'd seriously go insane. There's too much suffering, too much pain, too much corruption and its hard not to become overwhelmed! But I would challenge you reading this, or anyone, that perhaps its time we employ a little bit of compassion for those in distress. In that moment, whether you agree with what they're saying or not, they just need someone to look at them in the face and say "it's ok to feel the way you do". Just that validation can start the process of healing.
It's time to resurrect a little sensitivity to the human condition - we all bleed the same colour after all! It doesn't matter how superior you feel to someone else, it doesn't matter how little you value their situation or how little you identify with their pain, it's THEIR pain not yours. You do not have the right to dismiss someone else's feelings. You do not have the right to grind them into the dirt in that moment. There are other, more constructive ways to help someone see the positives of their situation but first, just employ a little kindness and BE with them in that moment. The truth is, you don't know what else is going on in that person's life. You could be the one person who stands WITH that person in their distress rather than standing over them. The time for bullying people into "pulling themselves up by their bootstraps" is over. There's just too much hardness in this world without needing to add to it.
And the next time someone tells me to "suck it up princess" - I'll be saying so. It's time to stand up to this attitude and if it has to start with me, then so be it.
Until next time,
Thank you
ReplyDelete