Long time no Blog!

Hello all!

So, its been a while! I have been working on a separate project (all will be revealed soon!) but in the meantime, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about friendship, and what it means to be a friend. Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is let go of people that we have a long history with. Lately I've been going through some rough stuff, and it's really surprised me the people who have stepped up for me and the people who have not.

To be a good friend, I believe that it's a give and take situation - and we all go through seasons of giving and seasons of taking. Recently I've unfortunately had to go through a season of taking without being to give too much (although I do try) and I have asked my friends to step up and support me in something really hard. It's been just as hard and even HARDER than I anticipated, so the support of my friends became so incredibly important. The people who stepped up, kept in contact with me, supported me and made my journey their own were a little unexpected but OH so amazing - I've been lifted up on the wings of angels, but they're not the angels I expected so the experience has been bitter sweet, and it's created a real disparity between who I THOUGHT my true friends were and who actually was there for me.

Its amazing how adversity does this - it's like the bible says about separating the chaff from the wheat - when everything is shaken up, the goodness is separated from the rubbish and things become a little clearer. Another aspect of friendship that I haven't been paying much attention to until now is the qualities of certain people, their character, and their morality. The bible talks about the company you keep, being selective as to who you let into your heart and who you let speak to your spirit. I've been on Facebook a little bit, looking at profiles of people I used to be really close with, and the content on there is really disturbing and a little disappointing. I've realised that through this whole experience I've matured in a way I didn't expect and if that makes me a prude then so be it. Perhaps I'm just boring, but graphic, smutty conversation about really base things just doesn't tickle my funny bone anymore. It makes me sad and disheartened, because the people involved in that conversation were once close to me. But I've moved past that kind of humor, and I'm in a completely different place in my world now. I want friends who are not only going to lift me up when I need it, but who are going to meet me where I'm at and interact with me at that level. I don't want to be dragged down anymore and I feel like I've allowed myself to be dragged down for the sake of staying friends with people who hold valuable parts of my history.

The thing I DON'T know how to do is to let go. I don't know whether to send a message saying goodbye or to just drop off the radar. I don't like the idea of just fading away because she wont KNOW why, but at the same time fading away is just easier. I don't want a big confrontation, and I don't want her to then try and change herself to "keep"me because that's not fair either. We're just in two different places, and I just want things to just be left alone. I think I should move on and get on with my life, and I think she should do the same, but I know if I make the contact it will turn into something dramatic and I don't want that either. No, I take that back, I don't have the CAPACITY for that. I don't have the mental or physical capacity for that right now.

So, what do I do? Any ideas? Comment me if you have thoughts.....

Until next time!