It's 2:00am on Monday morning, and I'm unfortunately wide awake. This wouldn't be a problem at all except I'm too incapacitated to do anything constructive, so I'm left to ponder. Life at the moment is very restricted. I'm fortunate to have every electronic convenience at my finger tips....my laptop. my phone, my tablet and my Nintendo 3ds xl all providing a degree of entertainment a varying times of the day. Add to that a TV in my room hooked up to a blu ray player that can access youtube, and I'm fairly wired up, yet all these things cannot completely replace autonomy and freedom. I rely very heavily on poor Brad for everything, he has to be there when I get up to go to the loo, or when I need help dressing or if I'm hungry or thirsty or anything. It's an incredible amount of pressure, he's very worried about me hurting myself, so he hovers over me and nags me to drink more water. I wish there was something I could do to make his life a bit easier, because he's pretty flat out. Plus then he's got to try and get all the housework done on top of it, and because Pa is staying here he's got to cook for Pa as well.
It makes me feel awful how much he has to do for me right now. But if I try to do things for myself it only stresses him out more, it just seems no matter what I do I make things worse. I've written to the rehab coordinator asking for assistance, but God only knows if or when I'll get a reply, and I feel very much alone at this point. I'm so worried about Brad, and about how much tension there is over all this. I just want to make things better but I dont know how. Brad needs help, we need help, and I have no idea what to do now. I know things will get better in time, but its a long road back and I'm afraid. Brad's sleeping right now, and I do not want to wake him up for anything, so I am basically stuck here with my thoughts which is never good.
Until next time,
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