The relief of the flatline...

There has been a vast improvement in my outlook upon things these past couple of weeks and I cannot really point at the source with any degree of certainty. On the one hand Phantom is over and I finally am getting back to things that I enjoy such as reading, socialising and just generally spending time at home :) On the other hand, I am also being more compliant with my new meds and they appear to be having a profound affect upon my ability to stay calm, not panic, and deal with stress WITHOUT tears - a MASSIVE improvement for me! The last couple of weeks have been really full on, but I haven't really felt like I was slipping into panic like I used to.

So there's a lot going on - and being the 1st of December Christmas is fast approaching. We're not going anywhere or doing anything really, it will be a quiet time for Christmas, but we're planning on going camping in the Warrambungles for New Years with Bennie :) Should be heaps fun :) This week I have to travel to Maitland for a specialist appointment for my ankle in preparation for surgery....really hit me for six when they told me that it wasn't even a question that I'd need surgery - even though they told me that it was a possibility I kept laughing it off and saying there was surely something else they could do. Alas, this was not meant to be so it looks like I'll be having surgery sometime in the New Year, hopefully no sooner than that.

So in other news I am applying for a scholarship through the choral society for 2014 - if I am accepted I'll get half my tuition at the Conservatorium of Music paid for and in return I sing with the Choral society for 12 months :) since I'm not doing any shows next year that's an easy thing to commit to :) That's IF I get it :)

The other development at present is that I've had a massive breakthrough in the church department and I cannot explain that either. It was like, finishing Phantom and having a lunch date with Vicky one of the pastoral care people from church flicked a switch off in my brain. I sat with Vicky and laid it all out on the table - the good, the bad and the ugly - and for the first time I felt really validated. Voicing my fears regarding organised church was like the final step towards proper healing - time plus that meant that the next Sunday when I went to church all the nerves, fear, mistrust and pain was just gone. The following Wednesday I went to a creative workshop, and I'll be on the worship team from now on :) It feels fantastic getting back to what I feel God created me for. There's something incredibly powerful in doing precisely what God intends for you to do - when I'm worshipping God and singing for Him, the rest of the world completely dissapears and it's just Him and me - me open to whatever He wants from me, and Him, unearthing all the bad parts of myself and nurturing all the good. It's like gardening for my soul :)

The last couple of Sundays we've sung this AMAZING song - I just love it!

I dont know if this new found feeling of contentment and peace will last, but every single day I'm going to remind myself how blessed I am, and be grateful for everything in my life :)

Til next time....