I have a lot going on despite not being in Phantom anymore - a GAZILLION appointments, physio, orthopaedic surgeons, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, podiatrists, dentists..and that's just this month alone!! All in what could turn out to be a misguided bid to keep me healthy and sane! My ankle has begun to recover, which is great news, and I'm certainly in a much better frame of mind than I was for the last few weeks.
It occurs to me as I rush out the door this morning for the last day of the week, that I over think things far more than I need to. I long for a simple life, where social encounters are taken at face value and an offer of friendship is recieved with no perception of a hidden agenda. I have realised that I can be quite suspicious, always trying to figure out whether someone's intentions are really what they say they are. I guess that goes hand in hand with being unable to trust people, but it is EXHAUSTING having to analyse every little interaction. I'm not suggesting blind naivete of course - that would be just unwise...but what if I could be more authentic, more genuine, and trust that people will do the same with me without judgement? Then if people do judge me, then I'll either not know about it, or not care?
What if I just let it go and just threw caution to the wind. What if I just accept people where they are, and didn't always have a running commentary on what every little thing means all the time? What if I decided that I am enough for people to like, and if they don't its their loss not mine? What if I am enough?
Food for thought.....
Til next time!
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