Coming up short....

Ok for those who have met me, no short jokes please! :P

Today I failed the grade. I know it, and God knows it. I was in the lunch room making lunch and having a well earned break after a morning of full on mayhem, when our head of admin walked in to make himself a cup of tea. He made a comment something to the effect of "you know, when I started this job I thought so long as I come in to work everyday and make a difference I'll keep coming in to work. After 40 years I've realised that I don't make a difference so it's becoming harder and harder to justify coming to work".

In that moment I had two thoughts. The weaker of the two, and the one I ended up choosing to articulate was something to the effect of "well, I have a mortgage that's why I come to work"

The truth is, and please excuse my french, but that answer was bullsh!t.

What I should have said was this.

There's been a LOT of media coverage in NSW recently about children dying through abuse or neglect, often children who are known to the department of communities. I work in human services, and I have four years of child protection experience in Qld, so I will be the FIRST to say that perhaps I'm a little bit biased in my position. I am also extremely aware of the flaws in both the Qld and NSW systems. I live with those flaws everyday, but I also have to figure out a way to sleep at night. Despite all of those children and all of that media coverage, I dont think about those children.

I think about the kids that got fed last week because I organised food for them. I think about the children who don't have to continue witnessing domestic violence. I think about the teenagers I've worked with who are now facing their future with at least some kind of hope because I helped them out with some furniture, or a laptop, or a drivers licence. I think about what would happen to those children if my job didn't exist.

It's true, I cannot make a difference to all the children who need it. And the reality is my job is fairly expendable, and I can always be replaced by someone else who will one day step in and do the same thing and deal with the same crap and flaws and bureaucratic rubbish that I do every single day. But if I can put my hand to the cases in front of me and do something, however small to improve the lives of children who are in need, then I have a reason to get out of bed every day. God put me in this job, and I know there's a reason for that. I don't know what that reason is, and frankly I've given up needing to know. All I know is that I'm called to honour that, and I'll keep honouring that as long as God wants me to.

That's what I should have said. I know God forgives me, and I'll come out swinging tomorrow.

Til next time :)