Food Diary

I've been really slack lately and I haven't been taking pics of my food lately....but here's what I had today

A few glasses of cordial
1/2 sugar free powerade
1/2 cup tuna casserole
1/2 a seafood salad wrap (wholegrain tortilla bread cut in half, wrapped around shredded baby spinach, cubed cucumber, cherry tomatos, spanish onion, sliced seafood flakes and diced prawns with low fat mayo and a little chilli mayo and thousand island dressing for a kick)
1 cheese stick
1 skim milk coffee with 1 square organic dark chocoate
bbq chicken meat, one slice of baked potato and a few bits of some steamed veggies

I'm always amazed when I type it out, cos it looks like a lot, but in reality its incredible how little I live on these days and how small my portions are to keep me satisfied. There's something incredibly satisfying about stopping a meal only a few bites in and realising I'm full - I actually really enjoy that. I really dont need very much at all to feel full, and any time I get worried I'm eating too much all it takes is a few bits for me to realise that i'm already full!

On the exercise front I'm trying all sorts of different things to see what works for me. Last week I did a boxing class and was in a world of hurt the next day - wont be trying that again until I'm a bit further along! I went to my second aqua zumba class today, and this coming week I'll be trying body balance and body pump along with a coupe of days of cardio. I am seeing my doctor a week from Monday and I'll ask him for a referral to a sports physiologist to develop a weights program for me to do alongside the cardio. Basically what I'm aiming for at this stage of the game is consistent exercise across a range of disciplines to help with overall strength, endurance, weight loss and toning. I figure if I stick with activities I enjoy then I'm more likely to keep doing them and less likely to slacken off or make excuses. At least thats the plan.

So here's my plan for tomorrow:

30 mins cardio in the am
mango protein shake for breakfast
yogurt and fruit for morning tea
Chinese chicken and vegetables for lunch
cheese stick in the afternoon
Chicken and veg for dinner

Of course, the best laid plans and all that!

Food Diary Entry

So, day two of me tracking everything and I'm pleased to say I've once again had a successful day - I haven't felt uncomfortable or sick at all today although I haven't really had my three normal meals I'd have usually - i went for a long stretch without eating anything!

Here's a break down :)

I piece of cheese before I hit Aqua Zumba - 9.15am

250 mls water

11.30am 1/2 instant coffee with a little milk and 1 sugar

3.30pm icy pole

5pm 1/2 cup spicy prawn salad (baby spinach tomato cucumber fetta cheese prawns thousand island dressing and chilli mayo)

250mls diet iced tea

7.45pm steak bacon and potato chunky soup - did not finish

This is what was left....

1 small skim milk coffee with sugar and 1 square of organic dark chocolate 9:30

And a gratuitious kitty shot......

Just cos I can.....

Food Diary Entry....

So, this week has been really really hard, and I wont go into details as to why. But, to combat my struggles, I thought occasionally I would post a food diary entry to give an idea about what I'm eating - it will also help me when I go to the nutritionist :)

So here's todays :)

250 mls water

10:00am
1 Small skinny latte
1 stiny sliver of watermelon fudge

12:00-2:30pm - 1 glass of diet iced tea

12:30pm
1 Vegetable pattie (cheese stick pictured but not eaten)

3:38pm-4:00pm
2 Cheerios skinned and 2 tsps of potato salad

5pm cheese stick

6.30 1 glass of sarsparella cordial

8.20pm 4 potato wedges

9.00 1 icy pole


It seems like a lot when you write it down on paper, but by no means have I felt once today like I've eaten too much, or been overfull, or even eaten too quickly. I finally feel like today I got it right, I'm just hoping I can keep it up! My only criticism is there's probably too many carbs and not enough protein - I had planned on having fish for dinner but unfortunately my stomach has had a bit of a melt down and I just couldn't handle it. Tomorrow I'm sure will be better :)

My Treadmill Tunes

Ok so I've been compiling a list of songs with a good beat for walking on the treadmill since I'm going to be doing a lot of that :) Here's what I have so far :)

Get Lucky - Daft Punk
Live your life - Mika
Stronger - Kelly Clarkson
One step at a Time - Jordan Sparks
Only wanna be with You - Hootie and the Blowfish
Little Miss Can't be Wrong - Spin Doctors
Happy - Pharell Williams
Shake it Off - Taylor Swift
I Smile - Kirk Franklin
Two Princes - Spin Doctors
I Want you Back - Jackson 5
Labels or Love - Jennifer Hudson
New York New York - Ryan Adams
Problem - Ariana Grande
Raise Your Glass - Pink
All Dressed in Love - Jennifer Hudson
ABC - Jackson 5
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson
Today My Life Begins - Bruno Mars
Blame it on the Boogie - Michael Jackson
Black or White - Michael Jackson
Don't Stop til you Get Enough - Michael Jackson
In the End - Linkin Park
Beat It - Michael Jackson
Wanna be Startin Something - Michael Jackson
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park
Troublemaker - Olly Murs
For Once In my Life - Stevie Wonder
All About the Bass - Meghan Trainor
Live Louder - Nathaniel
Eye of the Tiger - Scorpions
Signed Sealed Delivered (I'm Yours) - Stevie Wonder
Yeah - Usher
G.R.L - Ugly Heart

The other song I briefly considered was Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj - Bang Bang but I just couldn't bring myself to do it on principle! 

I probably should note that this is by no means a collection of my favourite songs - you'll note there's no Garth Brooks on there so it's just not possible! This is only a collection of my treadmill friendly songs!! :) 

Happy treadmill trails! 

Halloween Scare *graphic warning - if your stomach turns easily you may not want to read this*

So, yesterday was the incredibly evil celebration of Halloween - I have very strong views on this particular tradition, much like I do on Santa (lets just say being able to spell Satan using the same letters is not coincidence!) - anyways, the neighbourhood kids were all ghouled up as per the american tradition of trick or treating and meanwhile I was recovering from a scare of my own....

I made a very crucial mistake. I ate lunch (a tiny piece of fish and a few soft oven cooked potato pieces) at my desk and kind of forgot that I'm a sleever. At first it was just a little uncomfortable, and I figured perhaps I'd eaten too much (I really hadnt, but that was my initial reaction...)

Then the pain really kicked in, and I began to panic. The day before I'd done something similar but after a few minutes it passed, so I waited. And waited. And waited. But nothing. No movement, no relief, nothing. I didn't know what to do. My nose started to run uncontrollably and crap started pouring down the back of my throat. It felt like my whole lunch was stuck inside my chest and I could barely breathe. My colleague suggested I go for a walk, so up I get and off I toddle down the hallway trying to smile and look normal while feeling like I had a baseball lodged in my chest.

I made it as far as the bathroom before realising I should probably go in - just in case. I paced around for a while, clutching at my chest and praying not to throw up. Just before I decided to go back out I lent over the toilet and.....

Well, it wasn't really throwing up per say, cos there was no food in it. It was all the crap that had gone down the back of my throat. I found out later that there's a word for this phenomena....it is.....


Wait for it.....


SLIMING. Yup, akin to the little green blob from Ghostbusters! LOL This was pointed out to me by my beautiful mate and I did some research and yup that's what happened - text book sliming. And it really is as gross as it sounds.

I felt a bit better so I went back to my desk, but in a moment I was heading back to the bathroom and there I go again for a second round.....uuugghhh.

It occurred to me soon after that having these kinds of episodes would be very damaging to my new stomach, so I vowed then and there that I'd never eat a meal at my desk again - I just cannot risk stretching my new stomach and undoing all my good work!!! So today I've been eating extremely slowly, even my snacks, being very careful to listen to my stomach and not over eat (not that I think I did yesterday but just to make sure).

My goal for this week was to go to the gym every week day and walk on the treadmill - I managed 4/5 days because of the aforementioned episode...my stomach hadn't quite settled by the end of my work day and I figured the best thing to do would be to go home and rest a little. Which I'm pleased to say I did :)

So, there you have it - lesson learnt. Sometimes the scariest things are not outside your front door, but rather the old habits and tendencies we have already in our own heads!

A Different Kind of Proud....

So today was a frustrating day - got to weigh myself this morning and nothing........no real loss at all.....here comes my first plateau and already I'm feeling discouraged.

All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and cry, but instead I resisted the urge to get upset and melt down, picked myself up, had my first meal of soft food (tuna casserole - yummo!) and went off to work. At work I talked to a couple of friends about it, and they all said the same thing......step away from the scales, keep doing what you're doing, and realise that this takes time and doesn't happen overnight. Feeling a little bolstered I then went and had a beautiful coffee with my darling Lisa who said the same thing.

But all day this niggling little voice in the back of my head kept trying to put me down all day. ALL day. "This works for other people but you're gonna be the exception....what if there's something medically wrong with you.......what if your just meant to be big and die young.....you're gonna die and all this will be for nothing.....you just wasted 10 grand for NOTHING" and then the excuses for not going to the gym tonight started "what's the point, you haven't lost anyways, why torture yourself, you're not technically even meant to be going to the gym yet, you could just go home and rest, you need a night at home, there's lots of housework to do, your stomach doesn't feel good, you have to go to coles after work so you can't go to the gym tonight (Hey I didn't say it was logical!!!)"

This went on even as I was driving home this afternoon, then I decided to put a stop to it - I told that voice to rack off and that I was going to the gym anyways.

And so I did. And I walked 50 mins, 3.14kms and then came home :) I'm proud of myself that I didn't let that little voice win, especially when it usually does. I'm going to go tomorrow morning too - and I'm going to keep going every weekday. Not because the scales aren't moving, but because I don't want that little voice to get any louder. It's time for that voice to rack off for good.

Being Brave.....

Today, as I was listening to this song, I began to cry......

"Nothing's gonna hurt you the way the words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside with no sunlight sometimes the shadow wins, but I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out, honestly, I wanna see you be brave"

"Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live, maybe one of these days you can let the light in. Show me how big your brave is"

"And since your history of silence wont do you any good, did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty, why don't you tell them the truth?"

When I heard this song for the first time, I felt like it was written for me. I know first hand what it's like when the words "settle 'neath your skin". I know what that feels like. I've had so many words settle beneath my skin and continue to hurt me over and over and over again. I do feel like I've been locked in a prison, stuck in a cage of fat that has not only become a part of who I am but is my prison warden - keeping me down, keeping me quiet, keeping me invisible. I cried because for the first time, driving home from my dietitian appointment I could see a way out of the cage. I could see a way to let a little light into my life. And I wept for both the life I have had stolen from me, and for the life I am about to gain. 

No one will ever quite know how insanely proud I am of myself that I am tackling this issue in my life. So many people don't, and while I don't mean to toot my own horn I have discovered a bravery in myself that frankly I didn't know I had! That bravery must now extend to a longer term type of strength that will have me push my comfort zone into a more active life, a life that is completely different from the life I used to know. While right now I'm lounging around, sleeping a fair bit and generally convalescing here at home that won't last. Next Monday I'll be half way towards being able to do proper exercise - which means not only joining the gym but going every single day. It's just what I have to do - I no longer have the luxury of tapering off after a while because for the next 12 months I must do what I must do in order to maximize this incredible opportunity I have to change my destiny for the better. 

As for telling the truth, here's some truth. I am no longer a product of my circumstances. I am no longer without a voice, and as time goes by you're gonna hear me more and more. I have only just begun to become who I was always meant to be and I wont quit.