This morning I once again stuck my pinkie toe into shark infested 'church' waters and turned up at a "new" church.
I wish I could adequately convey just how much I hate the whole "new person at church" experience....no, wait, hate isn't even good enough - LOATHE perhaps.....DESPISE possibly....*looks up thesaurus* detest, object, dread, apprehension.....am I getting across even a snippet of how I feel walking into a new church?
This is the one environment where shy doesn't even cover it for me - I want the floor to open up and swallow me every single time. You may think I'm being over dramatic, but it really takes a LOT for me to go to church. This morning I drove around the block about 4 times because I didn't want to go in too early. And so it begins....
Now, let me be clear, I am in NO WAY saying that the problem is with church people themselves - the problem is all mine. The people are always lovely, curious, enquiring, sweet and smiling. I'm not in any way saying they've done anything wrong by being that way, in fact "church 101" would always say that the first thing you do when trying to set up a church is make sure your housekeeping is inviting, warm, genuine, interested - the moves are always the same no matter which church you go to.
Here's my analysis having been to "new" churches a lot - it might give you a bit of a picture as to what I go through each time I step into this environment....
First there's the door way. To me its a gauntlet of terror. There's always at LEAST two different "check points" to get to - clusters of welcomers strategically positioned both outside and inside the door way and specifically chosen as people who are particularly kind, upstanding members of the church. This comes with its own set of questions and introductions and handshakes. "What's your name" "how did you hear about us?" "Are you friends with someone here?" "Are you local?" "Did you just move here or are you visiting?"
So, once you've run the front door gauntlet there's always the next phase which I like to call "where the heck do I sit?" - all eyes are on you as you make your way into the church. How big or small the church is really determines how awful this process is - a bigger church you can always sneak in the back and people don't generally notice. Smaller churches it's like being dressed in a gorilla costume walking into a high brow dinner party - talk about sticking out like a sore thumb!!!! This morning it was unfortunately a small church, and most of the back pews already had people in it. I had to walk down to about half way towards the front, and then walk across the middle pew to the other end as there was a handbag on the side closest to the door. This was not good news, as I knew it would be harder to walk out at the end without too many people noticing.
So, you find a seat, you pull our your bible and note book, and no doubt one of the "welcomers" has shoved a pamphlet of some description at you enthusiastically - note to self ALWAYS take it - it gives you something to look at INTENTLY as you wait for church to start in the hopes that no one will approach you! But, inevitably, the congregation has been well schooled in the art of picking out the "new face" in the congregation, and the smaller the church the more noticeable you are. It's only a matter of time before someone comes up to you, or turns around in the pew in front, taps you on the shoulder and welcomes you. Again with the obligatory questions, pitying looks and good christian smiles. Each time there's an akward pause before they go back to whatever they're doing, usually with a "I'll catch you afterwards".
Finally the service starts. You sigh a relief. Singing corporately can sometimes be a minefield if they're not big singers, I stick out like a small thumb there too - but thankfully this church was REALLY into the traditional hymns so no one could really hear me. This particular church was VERY good with the sermon, very bible based, very knowledgeable, and the message on discipleship was really clear and well thought out. There is prayer, and announcements, and I once again breathed a sigh of relief that this particular church didn't ask a show of hands (or worse, a stand up) for all those "new people" who are there for the first time (you may laugh, but my old church used to do that.....aigh aigh aigh!). Then comes the offering.....thankfully the pastor made the age old comment "those visiting please do not feel obligated" although I still had the akward moment when the young boy holding our side's bag pause at my pew and look at me.....shammmmeeeee! If I had brought change, I would have dunked it in (earmarked for coffee or not!) but I nothing. Floor, please swallow me!!!!!
Nearing the end of the service I was tempted to walk out during the last hymn to avoid the "exit" scene of the new church experience but that would have been rude. So i wait for the service to finish and to my horror everyone SITS DOWN, meaning that in order for me to make a fast getaway I have to stand up, walk around the FRONT of the pews and then towards the back with all eyes on me. Before I could get through the door, one of the welcomers stopped me to give me the obligatory "welcome pack" - a white paper bag that might as well have "NON PRACTISING HEATHEN" written on the front for all to see in blinking lights. One of the other welcomers also dashed to the back to invite me to morning tea, which I declined politely before I was able to break out of the front door and step into fresh air, sunshine and freedom.
Again, let me stress, these are MY hang ups - the church was lovely, the people seemed genuine and I felt like I was in a room of people who have a simple, genuine, beautiful faith. I noticed everyone wore their very best clothes to church (something I respect and admire from my Catholic days) and there was no sunday school, yet the children in the church were incredibly well behaved, listening intently. A young man got up to take the offertory and prayed beautifully, and I was really impressed that the teens in the room all seemed to have reverence and respect. The pastor seemed very nice and down to earth, and according to the pamphlet I was given the church gives to a LOT of different missionaries from all over the world. I liked the traditional hymns, there was no "band" but instead just a piano and trumpet, the pastor lead the singing but really the congregation overwhelmed his voice so they really lead themselves. It was a very equal, corporate service and I liked that. I can see myself going back next week even so please dont take my analysis as being in any way negatively reflecting their OH so good intentions.
As a post script, I was very impressed to find a whole block of lindt dark mint chocolate in my welcome pack....Ok.....you have my attention! When they sang "tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" I didn't think they meant literally! ha ha!
Well, I've broken the proverbial ice, and I've once again put myself out there. I have no grant illusions that I wont run away like I have every other time since the horror that was our church experiences in Roma, but I live in hope. You might be wondering why I put myself through it - after all, my status as a Christian is not dependant upon attendance at church every Sunday if you think about it - BUT I do feel that I am really not doing what God wants me to do by missing out on fellowship with other believers. I know I need church, and my struggle I am sure is at least in part because of how much I NEED it - if I find a really great church and plant myself there I can do AMAZING things for God and through God, Satan knows that full well and has done everything he can possibly do to try and keep me away. So I'll give it another sunday service next week, walk the welcoming gauntlet, and hope that the more I go the easier it will become. For those of my friends who are of the Christian persuasion please pray for me that I might find a spiritual home, and that my shyness and hang ups around church will slowly fade as I create a new church history that is positive and real instead of negative. Please pray that the goggles I wear that cause me to see "fake Christians" everywhere get ripped off my head so that I can take people as they are instead of waiting for them to hurt me. Please pray that God's will be done for me. And thank you for reading....
